I love it when I get to call authors friends. Although David M. Brown lives in England and we've only interacted online I'm so happy to call him and his wife, Donna, my friends. David has been on the blog before when I helped with the launch of one of his fantasy novels, A World Apart. Today we have something a little bit different for you though as it is one of David and Donna's cats who will be doing the talking. David has written Man vs Cat about his life with six cats and I'm not sure they are too happy about it. Make sure you read all the way to the end because there just might be a giveaway involved.
Have You Heard the One About the Two Norwegians?
Greetings, dear readers. My name is Frodo, not the Ring Bearer from The Lord of the Rings, but a Norwegian Forest cat. The lovely Angela has invited me here to share a few thoughts with you but her main motive is for me to sing her children to sleep so she can have a well-earned rest. I’ll get right on that, Angela. Just let me finish speaking to your readers. Why don’t you make us both a cup of tea? Lots of milk in mine, no sugar, and leave out the teabag and the hot water.
What can I tell you about me? Well, I come from a house, not in Norway, but in England where sunny days are passing into the days of myths and legends. It’s a bitterly cold and miserable place here to be honest but the company are nice. Well, not all of them. I have five brothers – one is my actual brother, Bilbo, and there are four adopted brothers too – Kain, Razz, Buggles and Charlie. I also live with two humans, one is lovely and we call her Frizzy Hair. The other is difficult to describe. Grab a Thesaurus and look at the synonyms under words such as “idiot,” “moron” and “jerk,” and that should give you an idea of what the infamous Beard Face is like.
I have heard through the catvines that Beard Face has written a book. This isn’t news as such. He’s written books before, really terrible fantasy books that are about as convincing as England’s chances at the next World Cup. Anyway, whisper this amongst yourselves but I have heard Beard Face’s latest book is about me and the other cats. Such news has divided the cats here. Buggles is excited, Charlie wants revenge, Kain and Razz are still rolling their eyes, and Bilbo is just perplexed by the whole thing. He’s a bit dippy is my brother, a bit like a car that’s had the engine taken out to be cleaned and it hasn’t been put back. You know the type I mean, right?
Much of the content in this book began before Bilbo and I came to live with Beard Face and Frizzy Hair but I understand we have not come away completely unscathed from the narrative. There are ill rumours that Beard Face has photocopied notes from some of the private meetings I have with Bilbo. I call these Frodo’s Dialogues, after that Greek philosopher Socrates. You know him, a lovely man. I’m not embarrassed if Beard Face has these notes, not for myself anyway. I’m a philosopher and a gifted singer. I don’t do shameful things but I can’t say the same about Bilbo. If Beard Face has got those notes I just hope he hasn’t included that bit about the Carpet People. Goodness me, my heart could hardly take that so I hope you, the dear readers, don’t have to suffer it as I did.
Come closer. Closer still. Okay, back up a bit, we’re not friends just yet! I’m hoping Angela doesn’t check the bag I’ve brought. Bilbo is in there and I plan to leave him here. Don’t get me wrong, he’s my brother and I love him, but I cannot take anymore of those awful cat jokes or his theories about where all cats come from. Do you want to hear a joke or two from Bilbo? Okay, if I must.
What happens when Charlie and Kain stop fighting? They hiss and make up.
How do you sing scales, Frodo? Do-ri-me-ow.
Hilarious, eh? Yes, my brother is something of a joker. Not that I’m bereft of humour myself, you know. Amidst this great mind and gorgeous singing voice is the wit of Chandler Bing. Prior to visiting Angela here in the US of A, I told this one to Bilbo.
Have you heard the one about the two Norwegians? They took a trip to the States but only one came back! When Bilbo assured me he didn’t understand the joke, I simply told him that he would get the punch line once we had visited our good friend Angela.
On that note, I think it’s time for me to say farewell. Angela is calling and my lovely singing voice is needed to help these children to sleep. I’m thinking a medley of Van Halen’s Jump to expel the last of their energy, Unchained Melody to calm them and I’ll round off with The Beatles Goodnight to guide them gently into slumber.
A furry and fond farewell to you all.
About the Book:
History has known many famous cats - Garfield, Mr Bigglesworth, Simon's Cat, the Aristocats, the Cheshire cat and the Keyboard Cat on YouTube.
In recent years these feline things have replaced man's best friend as the most popular pet in the U.S. while the Ancient Egyptians once worshipped them as gods. This was a mistake and I'm here to tell you why.
Man vs Cat is the story of one man, one woman and the six cats that changed their lives forever. To the woman they brought love and affection, to the man they brought sleepless nights, fear, paranoia and even ruined his jigsaw. Need I say more?
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About the Author:
David Brown could be considered a fantasy fanatic, especially since he has spent the last 10 years developing a 47,000-year history for his fictional world of Elenchera. When converting his obsession into literary form, David commits himself to a rigorous writing and editing process before his work can meet his approval. Combined with the critical eye of his wife and a BA Hons in History and English, David's dedication leads him to his goal of inspiring readers through heartfelt stories and characters.
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